Made of

Your mind would die
Just to know
What it feels like to be your soul
And your whole life you’ve been sold
For vanities
At a price too low

Hold still
Don’t call it love
It’s anything
It’s anything but
You won’t fill
But you won’t give up
Until you realize what you’re made of

You don’t seem to notice the starry night
But you learned to fear
With all your might
You’ve been neglecting to shine a light
On every wonder
And every sigh

Hold still
Don’t call it love
It’s anything
It’s anything but
You won’t fill
But you won’t give up
Until you realize what you’re made of
X2 

You wonder what to call home
It’s not where you are but how you roam.

Of Cars and Smiles

The primary purpose of cars is transportation. However, that aspect is almost always neglected especially in cities like Miami where it is the most common form of transportation. Instead, the other functions have the spotlight.

My car has been my mobile home during the in between periods of the day. The ones transitioning from work to school to home to parties to whatever. It’s where you are comfortable enough to invite a girl in and make out. It’s where you are comfortable enough to listen to music and sing at the top of your lungs.

And so that brings me to the awesome moments when you realize you are surrounded by many people, doing just that. Being human. In their cars. Today on the way home some girl two lanes away caught me singing, idk what she saw that made her smile but I shamelessly smiled back. These things happen from time to time, and it’s genuine. It’s not organized neatly into words or reasons or excuses. It’s just raw, conscious recognition of another person caught doing whatever it is they do when they’re not watched. How can you help not to smile?

Steps

There are a series of feelings that simply the English language (and most other languages) are unable to express or point at accurately. That being said, one of the coolest feelings comes from forgetting for a while about your destination and becoming intensely present in the moment, or every step leading to the destination. Slowly, but surely, you reach the destination and say “wow, here already.” And by that time you are so dominantly present that even that mere feeling will pass you by and you don’t value the destination as highly as perhaps you did some previous time in your life. We get this feeling while taking road trips sometimes. We also get it as we go through phases. When we all first wanted to drive we looked at driving as the greatest destination, and then we got there and we said “well, I’m driving.”

Everything comes and goes. If this makes you worry, you are not honoring the steps as they are being taken, but rather dwelling on the expiration of a feeling. Don’t cling. Clinging is fear. Accept the natural fleeting state of these feelings and watch how surprisingly happy you’ll be when they actually pass.

Mosh.

“Moshing, in a strict sense, is a style of dance whose participants push or slam into each other.”

I went to go see Taking Back Sunday last night with a great human being called Lucho. The hour drive there was great and we expressed several feelings about our crafts and the deeper truths we feel about them, the vibe was great and the drive flew.

I’ve never been to a serious rock show but the energy was something that cannot be matched by the amphitheater-dwelling, beer-holding and blunt-smoking concertees of Maroon 5 concerts. There was all of that here too, but just kicked up a bunch of notches energy wise.

Holy shit. The first few mosh pits broke out and though a small fear rose at first, I looked at the energy of those moshing and pointed out a few smiles. The pushing and shoving and flailing of bodies was beautiful in a way I didn’t think a “violent” thing could be.

But it wasn’t violent, it was dancing. Expression of this particular style of music. You step and jump to house. You bob your head and rock to hip hop. To punk and heavy rock, you mosh.

The real deal came in after both Transit and Bayside gave solid sets. The songs I actually knew and yelled at the top of my lungs from Taking Back Sunday as if I had all these crazy situations happening in my life. I played the part, and I loved it. The whole pit crowd became a wave of body rocking in endless motion, with what seemed like a whirlpool of moshers somewhere off in the center. Such a work out to hold yourself upright. But the sweat, the contact, it was all worth it. Lucho even broke up a potential fight. Just being Lucho, not trying to prove anything just like he was commended for at his new job at Panera. I wasn’t proud simply because he was my friend, but mainly because of the overwhelming energy of the people, the good deed, the positive vibes, and MakeDamnSure.

And so it goes.

Every week is different. If you enjoy the moment and reflect at some point you’ll soon realize that the so-called same routine you feel you’ve been living is so different from day to day.

Last week was the start of my Starbucks-less phase. I started going to the gym with Edris and picking up things and receiving help rather than being closed off to it. With him leaving to Cuba for a week I decided to spend this week going to the wellness center at school instead. After a masterful Carmina Burana weekend, I feel I just settled myself into this week’s routine.

I’ll go to sleep ridiculously early, and wake up ridiculously early, get a tall cup of coffee, and head to the gym, listening to Oprah and Eckhart’s YouTube sessions. This presence stuff has gotta start early I feel, in order for the rest of your day to fall into place.

I’ll work out whatever muscle group at the gym and shower and grab a smoothie. Slowly I’m building the classic “regular” relationship with Alonso, the dude in charge of the place that might as well name the place after him. The key isn’t just going every day, it’s being invested, being interested and mostly just friendly.

Life won’t give you what you want if you don’t give anything yourself. A smile to a stranger will result in similar reciprocal manifestations throughout your day, this is what we call karma. But it’s so much more than just a word.

After my smoothie I sit there and read “A New Earth” while I can feel presence as my general state more often, a special focus is obtained when you are reading conscious words, especially in a world where you can run into unconscious and upset people who can easily bring you down anywhere.

The lesson I’ve learned lately: this is not who they are. This is just the surface. It’s sometimes the surface of who we are, but we’re actually so much deeper and simply get dragged into these states by constant thinking. So when someone upsets you, forgive them, they’re just trapped in their mind and unaware of it. Be aware of yours and it will be your ultimate defense.

I always think people are going to judge me for reading this “spiritual crap” or glorifying Eckhart. But I’m not. I’m simply using someone’s presence to remind me of my own. And i’m trying to be good to life and life is good.

couple things.

my no-shave october leaked its way to the more accepted no-shave november. It’s getting pretty intense. 

I just booked my flight and hotel for my random trip to NY —-> Pitt —-> home. 

I hope I rock the present moment during the trip very much like I did LA. 

This election thing is getting old and heavy, I don’t know how you people do it.

Let’s go. Taking Back Sunday tomorrow. 

I wrote this essay on “cool” last year. Check it out if you feel up to it.

Circumstances Often Operate Loosely: on the Definition of Cool

Intro

            In 2007, during the first few weeks of my freshman year in High School, I made a small, but significant change. As I walked through the halls of my new school, slightly disoriented, but entertained at the notion of what was to come for the next four years, I felt a strange, inviting freedom to start over, to reinvent Favio as people knew me, as I even knew myself. I consciously decided to walk more purposefully one day, keeping confidence in my stride and a sense of swagger resembling the ones commonly seen in the Hip-Hop community (minus the saggy jeans). To accompany this, I began to wear my bookbag with a single strap. “What, “ my friend Manny would say, “you’re too cool to wear both straps?” “Fosho”, I’d say with a chuckle. After a while, I kept these things in the back of my mind. They became so common in my daily life, that I didn’t have a need to constantly take note of them. However, every now and then I would get a comment from a schoolmate complimenting or acknowledging (they both translated similarly in my head) my walk. I thought to myself, “cool, I guess I have a walk”.

Calculating Cool

            The kids who liked my walk were probably respecting a cool move by my part, rather than acknowledging my walk as a brand new, mind-blowing thing, much like how you would reinforce your friend with a “nice!” as he shakes two defenders and makes the layup on the court, and that’s just what it was, reinforcement. Cool seems to thrive from reinforcement, either by flattery (such as replication), or by praise and admiration. This only inspires more cool ideas to emerge. Ironically enough, negativity or “hate” as it is often called on the streets, also promotes cool. The equation for cool goes as follows:

(Calm, smart, manipulation of circumstance + reinvention + unspoken confidence + the illusion of lack of effort) (Some % social approval) = Cool   

It’s complicated, because cool entirely relies on circumstance, but the coolest things seem to navigate through different Cs or temporarily give the illusion that they don’t exist. For example: I wasn’t the coolest or the most popular guy in Middle School, but a new C to play in gave me the opportunity to give the illusion that I’ve been cool all my life, and soon the lines between cool and uncool begin to blur.  An 18^th century Scottish philosopher named David Hume once said “He is happy whom circumstances suit his temper; but he is more excellent who suits his temper to any circumstance.” Replace the time-eroded “excellent” with present-day “cool” and we now have the manipulation of circumstance part of the equation.

Well, It All Depends on the Circumstances

So what’s uncool? Essentially, we fear being “uncool” so much, that a sort of hegemony forms every time something is deemed as uncool. A similar one seems to form for cool, although it seems to have more resistance. Common social moral issues seem to be agreed upon in terms of coolness. If I were to say, “Stabbing your best friend’s wife is not cool”, you’d probably agree. “Cool” in a moral sense, translates to “right” because as Sassure puts it, “signs are relational to other signs in the system”. In the system of morals, cool takes on a different meaning than it does with clothing. No big deal considering the conventional nature of words like cool.  Interpreting “cool” in the moral sense is possibly one of the least complex forms of cool. In morality, while the possibility of dispute exists, little is actually debated commonly. The farther we navigate from rigid circumstances like morality, the harder defining “cool” becomes. But what about killing your best friend’s wife is uncool, exactly? The simplest way would be to say, “Because it is the generally unacceptable thing to do”. Cool seems to work in general terms, meaning that large amounts of people need to agree that something is cool in order for it to stick. Everybody is doing it, so it must be cool (within that circumstance). Because once you’re no longer in that circumstance, it is ok to believe it not to be cool or simply not care. You have to deal with the cool things in that circumstance instead.

It is easy to think of cool in the pragmatist view. It is all just a story depending on circumstance. If I created the C in which I overheard my best friend’s wife planning to assassinate my best friend, and caught her in the act of doing so, killing her wouldn’t’ seem so uncool anymore. In fact, it would be kind of cool that I saved my best friend. Twisting stories not only justifies them, it makes them cool. In another circumstance, a lack of a story whatsoever can be cool. In an interview with Maroon 5, when asked about the origins of their name, they said, “We made a vow that we would never tell anyone”, are secrets cool in interviews? Well, you certainly can’t just spill your mojo all over the place; you’d lose your cool.

Community of Cool

            Cool, much like any idea in general, is dependent on people to spread. So once wearing your favorite 80’s style Wayfarers is cool again, it takes a few people in your C to influence your own decision in sporting them. If you end up with too many people in your C, you may be needing to find something else to rock because it’s not that cool anymore. Your C isn’t always your inner circle of friends and family, but may also be things like the celebrities you associate yourself with, the magazines you read, the literature, the movies you watch, and anything that you look to in your quest for cool. There is a sense of community among those who are seeking the same sort of cool. On the other hand, everyone in that group needs to identify with their own mix of things or else the nature of cool suffers.                 

For example, in a rock band circumstance, the band acts as the central community in which the general principles of cool shared among the members dwell. Each member needs to find their own cool in the band by incorporating this community element into their own reinvented style. It’s very common to see the drummer wearing a tank top, the bass player wearing a plaid shirt, and the lead singer having a casual dress shirt and tie as long as the color schemes are similar. Even hairstyles may vary, so on as the “group cool” is still in tact.

Notice how the Kings of Leon don’t smile in their picture. Is it not cool to smile anymore? Cool always tries to sell itself in pictures because it needs support. Maybe instead of saying “cheese”, these guys are saying, “cool.”  Except they’re not, because that would mean that they are trying.

            This girl had been walking into Starbucks every morning at 7:30 on the dot. I was always busy doing homework at this time and couldn’t find the right circumstance to talk to her. I’d always leave slightly regretting the fact that I never made my move, but resting assure I’d have other chances if her routine proved true. So I strategically placed myself near where I expected she’d sit and began typing this essay until she arrived. 7:30 hit and she walked in, placed her things down at the chair next to me and went over to get her coffee. I started thinking of the best approach to make conversation with her. I was essentially telling myself to “be cool”, because when you present yourself to someone you have given importance to, your behavior needs to be at its coolest. The balance was friendly, but not too eager, I couldn’t seem invested. I used my essay to ask her who she thought was the coolest person she knew. She replied “Mm, that’s a tough one. I’d have to say my grandma”. “Your grandma,” I replied “and why exactly?” “Well she came from Cuba during tough times and made a life for herself and everything.” I suspected she wasn’t being totally honest, it seemed more of like the easiest justified response she could think of based on something I’d probably have to agree on based on the situation created. However, two things were brought to my attention: Cool is highly influenced by respect, and it is highly dishonest or exaggerated. Sometimes one must bend the truth to fit cool, and if you get caught, you suffer the consequences by trying too hard, if you succeed, you win the respect or social approval of who you are talking to. It has to be nonchalant. My approach to talking to this girl required a sense of indifference about the outcome, even though the mere approach was rooted in a desired outcome. Those wayfarers mask your intense attempt at cool, until everyone realizes, and now you have to hide behind something new. We seem to navigate through circumstance with a permanently flexible mask of cool. She has a boyfriend, by the way. But I was too cool to care.